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New Year’s Resolutions for Your Dog

The time of year is nearly upon us when the world pauses to reminisce. Happy memories bring a smile to our lips, and sometimes as we reflect on the passing of time, we experience both laughter and tears as well. Inevitably, we start to think about the hopes we had for 2018; the plans and promises we made when standing on the brink of a shiny New Year. Some of them we accomplished; most of them we didn’t. But if the advent of a new year brings anything along with it, it is the opportunity to set some goals to work towards in the future. A new year offers each of us a slate. A chance to start over. Perhaps your goals for 2019 include doing more than just buying a gym membership to actually going there too. Maybe you hope to find a better work/life balance or to finally take that family vacation you’ve been putting off for years. These are all excellent and worthy goals; things that you most certainly can achieve with a little bit of determination and effort. As the clock draws nearer to striking midnight and the band cues up the familiar refrain of “Auld Lang Syne,” the stage is set to compose a list of 2019 resolutions. But perhaps you aren’t the only one making plans for the New Year… 

New Year’s From From Fido’s Point of View

Have you ever considered your dog’s take on a brand new year? Since our dogs live in the moment, it’s unlikely to think they take much note of the passing of time beyond what time supper is most typically served each day. Still, if Fido had to make some resolutions for a better 2019, could you guess what they might be?

It’s interesting to consider things from your dog’s perspective. While our resolutions tend to focus on things we can do to better ourselves, the world around us, or to improve the lives of those we love, your dog’s list is likely to be a little…ummmm…different.

Here is a list of New Year’s Resolutions from Fido’s perspective:

I will try to reduce my…ahem…gaseous emissions.

Hello! Fido here. Welcome to my New Year’s Resolution list. 2018 was a pretty good year, but from the things I smell coming from the kitchen, I’m thinking 2019 could possibly be even better. After all, there are definitely some things on the counter that I have not yet had opportunity to sample…but we’ll get to that later.

Yes, over all, I have a pretty good life; other than being dressed up by my humans from time to time, being the resident celebrity with constant daily photos shoots to attend, and having to go to visit people who make me wet then blow hot air on me every once and a while. Oh, yes, and there’s also the person who sticks those sharp pointy things in me when I go to visit. But other than those things, I don’t have a whole lot of complaints. But word on the street is this time of year a dog has to start making some plans. So that’s what I’m doing…making plans for how my life can be even better in 2019. I’d like to start by saying I’d rather not visit the hot air person and her sharp stick in my side friend ever again.

So, here is as good a place as any to start. I’ve been watching CNN with my dad, and I hear all this stuff about greenhouse gases. I’m really not sure what they are except that the people on CNN get pretty mad about them. I, myself, enjoy the heady musk that emanates from my rump with a loud bang after a particularly tasty meal. But from what the CNN people say coupled with the look on my dad’s face when he notices the aroma, I’m thinking I’m the only one who enjoys my special brand of fragrance. Here, I thought I was making the world a better place with my Eau de Poo…so, alright, alright, IF I MUST, I will TRY to cut down on my gaseous contributions though I do think the world…and our house…will be poorer for it. 

I will limit my chewing habits to only premium leather goods.

As a pooch accustomed to living a rather posh lifestyle, I’ve acquired a taste for the finer things in life, and that extends to leather goods. While my mom and dad try to appease me with these bone shaped things and other toys they buy at pet stores, my preference is for the fine-smelling things that mom is always putting on her feet. I’ve tried to refine my olfactory senses to determine the vintage, but so far, I’ve only been able to start to recognize the words printed on the inside of these vessels of deliciousness. I tried the ones with the big checkmark on the side of them, and they taste gross. WARNING, WARNING—do NOT eat the chew toys with the check mark on the side. You’ll have to go outside and take in a mouthful of your sister’s brown backyard “biscuits” to get the rotten taste out of your mouth.

After devoting much time to developing my palate, I have come to the conclusion that there are two main brands that meet my criteria for acceptable chewing accessories for 2019: Louis Vuitton and Jimmy Choo.  I have no idea where Mom buys these scrumptious items, but I sure am glad she likes them too. The Louis guy is one of my absolute favorites because he also makes these things with handles on them that Mom puts stuff in. I love those the best! It’s a treat that contains treats. What could be better?

My poochy friends, make 2019 a year of chewing discrimination. Nothing but the finest treats for your complete jaw and dental satisfaction. Demand only the best: chew toys Mom and Fido can enjoy from Louis Vuitton and Jimmy Choo.

I will increase my vocal recitations to show my excitement at the appearance of the neighbor’s cat.

Try as I might, I don’t think I’ve been able to truly express my total enthusiasm for the neighbor’s cat. I’m really not sure what more I can do. I bark, I jump for joy, I try to climb the fence, I bark some more…yet Mom and Dad still don’t seem to understand that I need to be released from that big wooden thing that surrounds the yard, so I can go and chase the kitty goodness that lives next door. I do know this; I think Mom and Dad must really like the cat too because whenever I bark, they start barking too! I think maybe I haven’t found the right frequency…maybe my pitch is off…maybe I just need to bark a whole lot more! Yes, that’s it. I will bark more often and more loudly, so Mom and Dad understand that the cat next door and I really DO need to have some…ummm…play time…yeah, that’s it! PLAY TIME. Together. NOW.

I will learn to get on the kitchen counter to save my owners having to give me roast beef when I want it.

I really feel quite badly for my peeps. It’s not always easy knowing a dog’s needs. That’s why this is going to be the year I perfect climbing on the counter. That way Mom and Dad don’t need to stop what they’re doing any time I need a snack. I can just help myself. Mom and Dad will be so pleased. More TV for Mom and Dad; more snacks for Fido. That’s a win-win in my books.

Yes, my goals for 2019 can be almost be summed up in this one phrase: DO MORE EATING. 

I will finally complete my hole to China in the backyard.

I have heard rumors that if a dog digs deep enough they will create a tunnel to this magical place called China. I’m not sure if “they” are telling me the truth or not because I’ve been digging pretty regularly for years, and I haven’t seen any sign of this China place yet. All in all though, the digging part is super fun, but it does mean I have to go visit the hot air lady more often than I would like. One negative in my master plan. Still…a pooch has to have plans, and my plans include finally finishing my tunnel to China. I wonder what I’ll find when I’m done with my job?I bet there’s lots of bones and treats and chew toys by Louis Vuitton…maybe they like gaseous emissions in China, and I won’t have to give up EVERYTHING I love in 2019 after all.

I will leave presents in the shoes of all visitors to our home that displease me.

Soooo…every once in a while, the ‘rents invite over people who really don’t speak dog. I don’t know how in the world it is possible, but they are immune to my charms entirely. So, I’m thinking the way to their hearts is to leave them a special “present”… you know…to break the ice, so to speak. If I’m not allowed to leave my calling card stink to warm the hearts of non-dog loving people, I’ll have to bring out the big guns. I’m thinking I will start manufacturing some brown blobs of deliciousness just like my sister makes. I quite enjoy them myself. I’ve seen her making them in the yard before, and it doesn’t look that hard. And quite frankly, they are delicious. So, yep…to warm the cockles of the hearts of the visitors to our house that don’t seem to like dogs…I’m leaving them some of my special trademark brown biscuits…right in the things they stick their feet into. Yep! One way or the other, they will remember Fido!

Well, that’s probably enough stuff for one dog to work on this year. But don’t worry; I’ll keep you updated. Check in with me this time next year for a full report of how my plans went. If you’re lucky, I might even share my recipe for my special brand of “crap cookies.” You know…if they’re a hit, that is.

Yes, with the end of 2018 nearly upon us, we’re all giving some thought to plans for the coming year. Thankfully, our dogs don’t make resolution lists, If they did, we could all be in big trouble in 2019!

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