There are certain assumptions people make when you tell them a Pit Bull designed the house.
Dark walls, perhaps.
Industrial furniture.
Something involving steel.
Possibly a sign warning visitors to reconsider their life choices.
He finds this amusing.
Because given complete control over the house, our Pit Bull had surprisingly little interest in looking tough.
He wanted a comfortable sofa.
A good bed.
A kitchen where somebody occasionally drops something.
A proper place for his walking gear.
A backyard with enough room to run at completely unnecessary speeds.
And, most importantly, a house designed around the people he loves.
The result is warm, handsome and remarkably comfortable.
Which, as it turns out, is a pretty good description of the dog who designed it.
The Living Room
This was always going to be the most important room in the house.
Not because of the fireplace.
Not because of the artwork.
Not even because of the beautiful furniture.
It’s because this is where everybody ends up.
The sofa is deep, comfortable and large enough for the entire family.
Technically.
In practice, one member of the family tends to occupy considerably more than his allocated share.
He calls this togetherness.
Everyone else calls it moving over.
The Kitchen
He had surprisingly few requests for the kitchen.
Good materials.
Plenty of natural light.
A large island.
And absolutely no rule preventing him from supervising dinner.
He doesn’t cook.
He doesn’t clean.
He has never once loaded the dishwasher.
Yet somehow, whenever food is being prepared, he becomes the most attentive member of the household.
Particularly when chicken is involved.
The Bedroom
The bedroom is quiet, warm and deliberately uncomplicated.
There is a beautiful bed for the humans.
And an extremely comfortable bed for him.
This arrangement lasted approximately three nights.
He now considers his bed useful for afternoon naps and the larger one an excellent option between 11 p.m. and 7 a.m.
Apparently good design is all about flexibility.
The Mudroom
This is where his practical side appears.
Leashes hang neatly beside collars and harnesses. Walking coats have their own place. Towels are within reach for wet paws, while baskets keep toys and outdoor gear under control.
Everything has a purpose.
Everything has a place.
And somehow everyone still spends five minutes looking for the favourite leash before every walk.
He would like it noted that this is not his fault.
The Backyard
A Pit Bull designing his own backyard doesn’t waste much space on things that can’t be run around, jumped over or slept beside.
There is lawn.
Lots of it.
There are gardens around the edges, comfortable places for the humans to sit and enough open space for the occasional burst of completely unexplained speed.
He can go from peacefully examining a flower to travelling across the yard at approximately Mach 3.
There is rarely an obvious reason.
The Pool
The pool was originally described as being for everyone.
That remains technically true.
There are comfortable loungers, a fire feature and plenty of room for long summer afternoons outside.
He has claimed the best lounger.
Naturally.
From there, he can watch the pool, monitor the backyard and keep track of anyone carrying snacks.
It’s exhausting work.
The Family Room
There are beautiful rooms in this house.
This might be the most important one.
It’s where movies get watched, blankets accumulate and everybody eventually ends up in a pile on the sofa.
He doesn’t particularly care what’s on television.
He cares that his people are there.
Preferably touching him.
Ideally with one hand available for scratching behind his ears.
The Kids’ Room
He wasn’t technically involved in designing this room.
That hasn’t prevented him from using it.
Bedtime stories regularly acquire an additional listener. Afternoon naps become considerably more crowded. And when somebody has had a bad day, he has an uncanny ability to appear without being asked.
The kids think he’s theirs.
He thinks they’re his.
Nobody has bothered correcting either side.
The Front Door
Every good house needs a proper entrance.
His has a place for muddy shoes, somewhere to hang a jacket and a clear view of whoever has just arrived.
This last feature was extremely important.
Friends receive an enthusiastic welcome.
Family members receive an even bigger one.
Delivery drivers are subjected to a level of interest wildly disproportionate to the likelihood that the package contains anything for him.
Although occasionally it does.
Which is why vigilance remains important.
The Best Room in the House
Ask an architect and they’ll probably choose the living room.
Ask the owner and she might choose the kitchen.
Ask the kids and you’ll get several different answers.
Ask the Pit Bull and the question makes absolutely no sense.
The best room is whichever room everybody else is in.
That’s really the only design rule he’s followed throughout the entire house.
Make it comfortable.
Make it beautiful.
And make sure there’s always room for one more.
Even when that one more weighs 70 pounds and has absolutely no understanding of personal space.
And Then There’s Halloween
For most of the year, our designer has made remarkably little effort to maintain his reputation.
He sleeps under blankets.
He cuddles with children.
He steals the good spot on the sofa.
He has been known to fall asleep with his head on someone’s lap.
Frankly, it’s embarrassing.
But once a year, he remembers that he’s supposed to be a PIT BULL.
The chain comes out.
The sunglasses go on.
He puts on his toughest expression and heads to the front door with the kids.
Tonight, he’s playing the tough guy everyone thinks he is.
Tomorrow?
The sunglasses are coming off.
The chain is going back in the costume box.
And he’d like his blanket back.
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