As a devoted dog owner, I’ve heard a lot of people say that if they could be reincarnated they’d like to come back as my dog. And in all honesty, I wouldn’t mind landing a cushy gig like that myself. I’ve spent a fair amount of time thinking about Fido’s luxurious lifestyle, and I’ve come up with a few ideas of my own that could be implemented to make his life just a touch more posh than it already is. After all, becoming a dog after a lifetime of experience as a human gives an entirely different perspective to the meaning of the words “dog-friendly home.”
The truth is if I were a dog, my ideal dream home would feature the best in technology while still offering the ultimate in comfort. I’d want a home with all of the latest and greatest conveniences for every member of my family to enjoy, canine or human. And of course, we do need to do our part to protect our planet, so the perfect home for any dog needs to be energy-efficient as well.
The Glue that Holds Every Dog’s Home Together
It goes without saying that if I were a dog, the most important factor in my dream home would be an amazing owner (just like me!); one that would love snuggles on the sofa complete with some tasty snacks to share and frequent leisurely long walks with lots of fragrant places to sniff. If we could visit some of my favorite haunts to leave some pee-mail for my best buddies, that would be great too. After all, a dog has to keep up with his fans!
Crafting the Perfect Canine Home
So, since I’ve already got the best owner in the world, that’s one thing off my “to do” list. This leaves me with some time to devote to the things we’re going to need for the perfect pooch pad.
Here is what I have come up with so far:
Though much has been said about the dog days of summer, I don’t really understand it myself. All I know is that running around outside on a hot day makes me sticky and sweaty. Even my ears start to feel like they are on fire! Sometimes I like being warm, but there are other times when a guy needs to cool down. The perfect doggy pad would be equipped with an air conditioning unit that I can turn on and off with a tap of my paw.
An electric or gas fireplace
But summer comes and goes pretty quickly in these parts, so a pup has to give some serious consideration to his fall and winter needs. Though I’m not an Irish Setter, I do like the idea of curling up in front of a warm fireplace on cold winter nights. But who wants to be bothered with hauling in a bunch of dirty, messy wood from outside? That just takes up time that my owner could be spending with me! That’s why for the perfect dog friendly home, it’s got to be an electric or gas fireplace. No muss, no fuss; just toasty warmness at the touch of a button whenever I need it.
So long as my owner selects a flooring that is kind to my canine joints and paws, I don’t much care what he chooses. Though maybe something that doesn’t show dirt or scratches might cut down on the amount of yelling I hear when I decide to pull out some of my best dance moves on the kitchen floor. Sheesh, does no one appreciate the work of an artist any more? But ceramic tile and even laminate can be cold on a dog’s paws. My research shows that there is a solution to this problem, and it’s called in-floor heating. I’m thinking we’re going to need that in my canine crib, for sure.
A top notch vacuum
Try as I might, I haven’t found the solution to losing my hair. I sure hope that I don’t lose as much as my dad cause that big pink patch above his eyes seems to get bigger every day. That must be cold! Since I do lose hair pretty often, my mom and dad really deserve a vacuum that can help them clean the floors and furniture in the least amount of time possible. I’m told that there are two really great companies called Dyson and Hoover that make vacuums specifically for people with dogs just like me. I think Mom and Dad need one of those.
An in house doggy spa
As much as I love a refreshing roll in some Eau de Poo, Mom and Dad really don’t seem to enjoy the fragrance as much as me. I can’t understand it myself because canine chicks really dig it. But if I must have a bath, I’m really going to need a doggy spa where I can be pampered and have a place to store all of my cool products. After all, good looks like mine don’t come naturally, you know. It takes some effort to look this cool! So, I’m going to need the perfect doggy bath tub and some serious shelving to display all of my shampoos, conditioners, and colognes off to anyone who cares to visit and is looking for some canine beauty tips.
But more than that, a canine dude needs his privacy. I’ve spent a long time cultivating my relationship with Betsy the Poodle. It might ruin the romance if she figured out that sometimes I smell a little less than…optimal. What happens in the in-house doggy spa, STAYS IN THE IN HOUSE DOGGY SPA!
A well-stocked toy box
Don’t get the wrong impression, I’m really not a materialistic kind of pup. However, I do like my creature comforts. Hanging around the house waiting for my people to come home can get kind of boring, so I could really use a toy box. I don’t need a million toys; just a few things that vary in texture, size, shape, and color to keep me interested. Even better if every once in a while, my family throws something new in there for me to discover. A toy box treasure hunt! What more could a dog want?
I’m told there are some great companies like Barkbox and Bullymake that send new toys and treats directly to your house once a month! I think I might need to sign myself up for that.
I’d also like to place an order for a few different Kongs. I really like their stuff.
Some cool canine duds
Not all dogs like being dressed up. Some of my buddies say it makes them feel like a girl, but me? I like keeping up with the latest trends. Call me a fashionista! Chicks dig uniforms, and I like to change mine up by wearing different bandanas and hats throughout the week to keep the spark alive. I draw the line at cutesy Halloween costumes. God never intended for a dog to look like a taco. Please pass this memo along to my owners because they didn’t seem to get it the first time.
A rad security system
Even the best dogs sometimes need a vacation, and making sure the family home is safe from intruders is a full time job. I wouldn’t mind having a little bit of down time every now and again. I’ve heard there are some great new security systems that are almost as good as a dog! They come complete with cameras that connect to Wifi, so my family can keep an eye on what’s going on at home when they can’t be there. The best ones will even let them see what I’m up to and allow us to have a chat whenever the urge strikes. I have hard that a company called Logi makes a really great security camera and app to keep my home safe, and Petchatz makes a virtual visit with my owners during their work day a reality! We definitely need to place an order with both of these companies.
24/7 Dog TV
Some dogs love TV; others don’t seem to notice it. Me? I LOVE IT. But I don’t always love what my owners watch. Sometimes they like to watch this TV show, and all they talk about is this guy with orange hair that seems to make people mad all the time. I’m kind of sick of looking at him, so I think that I’m going to be needing 24/7 Dog TV to complete my ideal pooch pad. My owners like looking at the orange guy; I kind of like scoping out canine babes. If that subscription comes with Animal Planet, that would be great too. Oh, and Dr. Pol! That guy looks nice.
Food, treat, and water dispensers
I like to eat when I like to eat. My family is pretty good to feed me on time, but sometimes, a guy just needs a few extra snacks. My ideal doggy home would have dispensers for food, water, and treats, so I can help myself whenever I feel like a little something “extra.” Also, if you could speak to my owners to let them know that yes, I COULD use a smidge more treats each day, that would be great. They seem to think I need to be limited. I don’t know who told them that, but if I find out, I will be leaving them a nice fecal thank you in their shoe.
Bones on demand
What is better than a nice, juicy bone to enjoy? I watched this show called The Jetsons once, and it got me thinking about how great it would be if there could be a vending machine in my house with all different kinds of bones just waiting for me to chew on them. Just thinking about it makes me drool!
A picture window
The big box with 24/7 DogTV is nice, but sometimes a dog just needs a good dose of reality television, and for that, I need a big picture window. It’s a great way to pass the time! If you’ve never tried it, I highly recommend it.
A big back yard
Every now and again, I get the zoomies. And Mom and Dad don’t seem to like it when I race around the house bouncing off the furniture, so I am thinking a nice big yard with lots of grass would be awesome. It probably needs to be fenced too because Mom gets upset when I decide to go over to Betsy’s on my own though I really think that is no fun at all.
Valet dog walking
A house is great, but even the most dog friendly house in the world gets a little old if a guy doesn’t get to go out for a walk every once in a while. Since my owners have to go to work every day, I would really love a valet dog walking service, so I can go for a walk whenever the mood strikes me. If my dog walker comes equipped with some of my favorite yummy treats, that would be a total score, but I’d settle for just going for a walk every day if I must.
Needless to say, I do like my creature comforts; however, as a modern dog, I respect the carbon footprint I make. For this reason, my home needs to be energy efficient, using gas and electricity from a company that takes our environment as seriously as I do. But it is not just the product itself that must make protecting our environment a priority to get my vote. Environmentally friendly packaging and marketing is also important too. When it comes time to build my perfect pooch pad, my family will be spending its hard-earned dollars with companies committed to improving our world.
Ready to build the perfect canine crib? Maybe some of my ideas will inspire you!