Dogs have a slightly different relationship with water than we do.
We see a beautiful swimming pool and think about relaxing beside it.
A dog sees it and thinks:
Mine.
The same apparently applies to lakes.
Beaches.
Docks.
Boats.
And, given sufficient financial resources, large sections of coastline.
So we started wondering what would happen if dogs weren’t merely allowed near the water.
What if they owned it?
Not a plastic kiddie pool in the backyard.
We’re talking infinity pools.
Private docks.
Beach clubs.
Boats.
Cabanas.
The kind of places where someone appears with a fresh towel before you’ve even realized you’re wet.
Naturally, the dogs adapted quickly.
The Infinity Pool
Nobody remembers buying the Great Dane this chair.
It simply became his.
Which is impressive, because there are several beautiful loungers surrounding this spectacular infinity pool and somehow he has acquired the one with the best view.
Behind him, the water disappears into the lake.
Mountains rise in the distance.
A few people are having drinks on the terrace.
Other dogs have occupied most of the remaining furniture.
The Great Dane appears unconcerned by any of this.
He has the pool.
He has the chair.
He has the view.
The humans may stay.
The Dachshund Has a Cabana
There are dogs who appreciate a little shade.
And then there is this Dachshund.
He has a lounger.
A fringed umbrella.
A rolled towel.
Sunglasses.
A cold drink sitting approximately six inches from his nose.
And enough prime poolside real estate to accommodate a family of four.
The family of four, incidentally, is somewhere else.
Nobody is quite sure how this happened.
But moving him would require waking him up.
And nobody seems willing to do that.
He Doesn’t Swim Before Lunch
The English Bulldog is technically a water dog.
Not historically.
Not genetically.
More in the sense that he is currently on the water.
He has discovered the pool float.
This has changed everything.
There will be no diving.
No retrieving.
No unnecessary physical activity whatsoever.
He simply drifts slowly from one end of the pool to the other wearing sunglasses while somebody waits nearby with a towel.
Occasionally he rotates.
We believe this is caused by the wind.
The Lake Belongs to the Labrador
Some dogs don’t need the accessories.
Give a Labrador a lake and he understands the assignment immediately.
It’s early morning.
The water is almost perfectly still.
The dock is wet.
So is the dog.
Behind him sits the sort of cottage people spend years dreaming about owning.
There are Adirondack chairs.
A canoe.
Coffee waiting somewhere inside.
None of that matters yet.
Because the Labrador has already been swimming.
He’ll probably go again.
And again.
And again.
By breakfast, the humans will have accepted that every towel at the cottage now belongs to him.
The Beach Club
The French Bulldog doesn’t particularly care for sand.
Fortunately, very little of it is touching him.
He has secured a striped cabana at an extremely nice beach club.
There is shade.
There is a padded chair.
There are sunglasses.
There is an unnecessarily magnificent sun hat.
The Mediterranean — or somewhere equally expensive-looking — sparkles beyond him.
Other people have arrived at the beach carrying towels and bags and umbrellas.
The Frenchie arrived with nothing.
Everything he required was apparently already waiting.
This is the correct way to go to the beach.
The Boat
Some dogs work on boats.
We’ll get to them.
This is not one of those dogs.
This dog has discovered the upholstered bow.
A human is driving.
Someone else appears to be responsible for navigation.
The dog is responsible for lying beautifully in the sunshine while the boat moves across the lake.
It’s an important position.
The wind is excellent.
The view is excellent.
There appears to be absolutely no expectation that he contribute anything useful to the journey.
Finally, a job he was born to do.
The Pool Party
It began as a sophisticated summer gathering.
There were cocktails.
Music.
Beautiful food.
Adults wearing linen.
Then somebody invited the dogs.
One is swimming.
One has taken over a lounger.
Another is lying on his back with all four legs in the air.
Someone has stolen a towel.
The Great Dane is wet for reasons nobody can explain.
A smaller dog appears to have acquired an entire daybed.
The humans are still technically having a party.
They’re just doing it around the dogs now.
Which, if we’re being fair, is how most parties involving dogs eventually work.
The Private Beach
The Newfoundland doesn’t need a swimming pool.
He has an ocean.
He stands in clear water just offshore, enormous, wet and completely at home.
Back on the beach sits his lounger.
His towel.
And a sun hat so large it could probably provide shade for a medium-sized family.
He doesn’t need any of them right now.
There is water.
A lot of it.
This may take a while.
Last One Out
Eventually, even the best pool day ends.
The glasses are empty.
The towels are wet.
The other dogs have disappeared inside.
One Boxer remains.
He’s sitting on a lounger wrapped loosely in an enormous towel, watching the sun disappear behind the water.
For once, nobody is swimming.
Nobody is shaking water onto somebody else’s clothes.
Nobody is stealing a chair.
It’s quiet.
Beautiful, actually.
Tomorrow they’ll do the whole thing again.
Probably considerably earlier than the humans would prefer.
And Then There’s an Actual Water Dog
At this point, we should probably acknowledge something.
Somewhere in Portugal, a Portuguese Water Dog is looking at all of this and wondering what happened to dogs.
Because long before dogs had infinity pools, private loungers and someone standing nearby with a clean towel, Portuguese Water Dogs were actually working on the water.
They worked alongside fishermen.
They retrieved things from the sea.
They carried messages between boats.
They helped with nets.
They jumped willingly into cold water and climbed back onto working fishing boats.
No cabana.
No pool float.
No sunglasses.
And absolutely nobody was waiting with a cocktail.
While our water dogs have pools…
he’s got work to do.
We Asked the Dachshund for Comment
He was unavailable.
Apparently, his umbrella had moved slightly to the left.
Someone is dealing with it.
