There was a time when ordering coffee was relatively straightforward.
You walked into a coffee shop.
You ordered coffee.
Someone gave you coffee.
Then, somewhere along the way, things got complicated.
There were different milks.
Different temperatures.
Different numbers of shots.
Foam became negotiable.
Syrup entered the conversation.
People began specifying precisely how many pumps of something they wanted.
And eventually somebody stood at a counter and said something like, “Grande oat milk vanilla latte, half sweet, extra shot, extra hot — but not too hot — light foam, cinnamon on top.”
While twelve people waited behind them.
Naturally, we wondered what would happen if dogs started ordering coffee.
It turns out they learned from us.
This is entirely our fault.
He Has a Few Modifications
The Dachshund has been studying the menu for nine minutes.
He’s ready.
Double-shot caramel macchiato.
Oat milk.
Half sweet.
Extra hot.
Light foam.
Cinnamon, but not too much cinnamon.
Caramel drizzle around the sides of the cup rather than across the top.
And could you make sure it’s actually extra hot this time?
The Labrador behind him would like a coffee.
Any coffee.
Immediately.
Apparently Mine Is a Bone
He wasn’t expecting latte art.
Frankly, he wasn’t expecting much beyond caffeine.
But somebody has drawn a remarkably convincing bone in the foam.
He has now taken six photographs of it.
The coffee is getting cold.
He doesn’t care.
This is going on Instagram.
Mine Is a Squirrel
His friend got a bone.
He got a squirrel.
There are moments in life when you realize the universe understands you.
This is one of them.
Nobody is drinking anything until he’s finished staring at it.
The Puppuccino Has Become Complicated
Originally, this was supposed to be simple.
A little cup.
Some whipped cream.
Happy dog.
Done.
Unfortunately, he’s been watching the humans order.
He’d like his with caramel drizzle.
Extra whipped cream.
A little cinnamon.
And can he get that in the larger cup?
He’d also like to know whether there’s a loyalty program.
Brain Freeze
There were warnings.
He ignored them.
The first few mouthfuls of the frozen drink were magnificent.
Then his eyes widened.
His ears stopped working.
Time itself briefly ceased to exist.
He has discovered brain freeze.
He will learn absolutely nothing from this experience.
He’s Been Working Here Since 8:15
One coffee.
Laptop open.
Phone charging.
Notebook on the table.
Headphones on.
He has occupied four seats for nearly three hours.
Occasionally he types something.
Nobody knows what.
At this point, we’re fairly certain he doesn’t actually have a job.
He just likes the Wi-Fi.
The Coffee Needs a Photograph First
Do not touch the latte.
Nobody move the pastry.
And for God’s sake, don’t take a bite out of anything.
She hasn’t taken the photograph yet.
The cup needs to move slightly toward the window.
The croissant needs to rotate approximately seven degrees.
The spoon is ruining everything.
Twenty-three photographs later, everyone may proceed.
The coffee is now room temperature.
Perfect.
He’d Like to Discuss the Beans
Most dogs order coffee.
This dog has questions.
Where were the beans grown?
At what elevation?
When were they roasted?
What processing method was used?
What’s the flavour profile?
Has the barista adjusted the grinder since humidity changed this morning?
The dog behind him is reconsidering violence.
He Ordered an Espresso
The Great Dane ordered the smallest drink in the building.
Nobody knows why this is funny.
It just is.
He finished it in approximately one second.
He would now like another.
She Said She Was Only Getting One
She has returned carrying four drinks.
One is iced.
One has whipped cream.
One appears to contain approximately half a bottle of caramel.
Nobody is entirely certain what the fourth one is.
She insists they’re not all hers.
Nobody believes her.
The Pastry Decision
He has been looking through the glass for a very long time.
Croissant.
Blueberry muffin.
Something involving chocolate.
Possibly the cinnamon roll.
Back to the croissant.
No.
Muffin.
The people behind him are ageing visibly.
He would like another minute.
They Know His Order
He doesn’t need to speak anymore.
He walks through the door.
The barista sees him.
The drink begins.
This is what happens when you’ve been coming to the same coffee shop every morning for four years.
There are regular customers.
And then there is this guy.
His coffee is sometimes ready before he is.
But Seriously — Can Dogs Have Coffee?
No.
Despite everything happening in these photographs, your dog should not be joining you for an espresso.
Coffee contains caffeine, and caffeine can be dangerous for dogs. Coffee beans and grounds can be particularly concerning because they contain concentrated caffeine.
We’ll leave the complicated drink orders to the humans.
[Can Dogs Drink Coffee? What Pet Owners Need to Know →]
The Coffee Shop Might Actually Be Onto Something
Joking aside, dogs and coffee shops make a surprising amount of sense together.
For many dog owners, the neighbourhood coffee shop is already part of the walk.
You grab the leash.
Walk a few blocks.
Order your coffee.
Find a spot on the patio.
Your dog settles beside you and watches the neighbourhood go past.
It’s one of those small routines that makes a neighbourhood feel like home.
And increasingly, independent coffee shops understand that the customer walking through the door may have someone waiting outside with four legs.
That’s another story we’re interested in exploring — the coffee shops, patios and neighbourhood businesses that make room for both.
Because apparently Pet Friendly House has now reached the point where even going for coffee needs to involve the dog.
We probably should have seen this coming.
