Christmas is supposed to be the most wonderful time of the year. And usually, it is. But between tangled Christmas lights, questionable sweaters, enormous dinners, crowded houses, last-minute shopping and dogs investigating everything that appears beneath the tree, there’s plenty to laugh about too.
So forget perfect holidays for a few minutes. These funny Christmas quotes celebrate the chaotic, slightly ridiculous and very real side of the festive season—with a few helpful Christmas tips for dog owners along the way.
“Don’t blame the holidays. You were fat back in August.”
Christmas gets blamed for a lot.
Cookies. Turkey. Pie. Chocolates that mysteriously disappear every time you walk past the box.
But perhaps we shouldn’t put all of this on Christmas.
Your dog, meanwhile, would like it officially recorded that sharing your turkey with them is an excellent way to reduce your own holiday calorie intake.
“Be naughty. Save Santa the trip.”
There’s a certain efficiency to this philosophy.
Why spend an entire year pretending to be good when you can simply accept your fate?
Dogs mastered this approach centuries ago. Steal the cookie, chase the wrapping paper, investigate the presents and deal with the consequences later.
Christmas Tip: Stop Your Dog From Peeing on the Christmas Tree
To us, it’s a beautifully decorated Christmas tree.
To some dogs, it’s a tree.
Inside the house.
You can probably see where the confusion begins.
If your dog has started marking the Christmas tree—or you’re worried that he might—there are several simple ways to make the tree less tempting and prevent an unpleasant Christmas surprise.
Read our guide: How to Stop a Dog From Peeing on the Christmas Tree.
“Santa Claus had the right idea. Visit people only once a year.” — Victor Borge
Holiday entertaining sounds wonderful right up until you realize somebody has to clean the house, make the food, find enough chairs and pretend not to notice what Uncle Bob just said at the dinner table.
Your dog has a completely different perspective.
Visitors mean new people to greet, new laps to investigate and an entirely new group of humans who might not know the household rules about feeding scraps under the table.
Best Christmas ever.
“You can tell a lot about a person by the way they handle three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights.” — Maya Angelou
Few things test the Christmas spirit quite like discovering that the lights you carefully packed away last year have somehow spent eleven months tying themselves into seventeen knots.
Your dog will probably offer assistance.
Do not accept it.
“Christmas turkey tastes like it never drank water while it was alive.”
Every family has Christmas traditions.
Decorating the tree. Hanging stockings. Exchanging presents.
And somebody cooking the turkey until it has roughly the same moisture content as a Christmas card.
Fortunately, there’s usually at least one member of the family willing to eat it without complaint.
You’ll find them underneath the table.
Christmas Tip: Getting a Great Picture of Your Dog With Santa
A Christmas photo of your dog sitting happily beside Santa sounds easy enough.
Then you arrive and discover Santa has an enormous beard, there are excited children everywhere, another dog is barking and your normally sociable pup has decided the safest place in the building is behind your legs.
A little preparation can make the experience much easier—and help you get a Christmas picture you’ll actually want to keep.
See our tips for Getting Great Christmas Pictures of Your Dog With Santa.
“You know what I got for Christmas? Fat. I got fat.”
There are Christmas cookies on the counter, chocolates in the cupboard, leftovers in the refrigerator and somebody keeps producing another dessert.
Resistance was never a realistic option.
Your dog understands.
In fact, your dog has been staring at the refrigerator for three days wondering why you’re making this more complicated than it needs to be.
“Christmas sweaters are only acceptable as a cry for help.” — Andy Borowitz
There are two kinds of people at Christmas.
People who avoid Christmas sweaters at all costs.
And people who own one featuring flashing lights, pom-poms, bells and possibly a battery pack.
Dogs don’t get a vote.
One minute they’re peacefully enjoying December. The next they’re wearing a knitted sweater with a reindeer on the back while the entire family takes pictures.
Merry Christmas.
“Many look forward to the New Year for a new start on old habits.”
January is coming.
Soon we’ll eat better, exercise more, organize the house and finally do all those things we’ve been promising ourselves we’d do since last January.
But that’s next year’s problem.
There’s still Christmas cake left.
Christmas Tip: Think Twice Before Giving a Puppy for Christmas
Few things could create a more exciting Christmas morning than a puppy appearing beneath the tree.
But puppies aren’t Christmas presents in the same sense as toys, clothes or electronics. Once the decorations come down, that puppy still needs training, exercise, veterinary care, attention and a family prepared for years of responsibility.
Bringing home a puppy during the holidays can work wonderfully when everyone involved is prepared. Giving someone a puppy as a surprise is a very different decision.
If the idea is on your Christmas list, read Should I Give a Puppy as a Christmas Gift? first.
“This is me waiting for it to be socially acceptable to play Christmas music.”
Some people wait until December.
Some start immediately after Thanksgiving.
Others hear the first two notes of a Christmas song in October and decide the season has officially begun.
Your dog doesn’t care either way.
Although after hearing the same Christmas playlist for the 400th time, that long stare from the other side of the room may be trying to tell you something.
“Next to a circus there ain’t nothing that packs up and tears out faster than the Christmas spirit.”
Weeks of preparation.
Days of cooking.
Hours of wrapping.
Then suddenly it’s December 26 and you’re standing in a living room filled with empty boxes, crumpled paper, abandoned ribbons and a dog happily playing with the cardboard packaging instead of the expensive toy you bought.
And somehow, we’ll do the whole thing again next year.
“Being nice year-round may get you more presents, but being naughty every once in a while is a gift unto itself.”
Dogs know this better than anyone.
Good dogs get treats.
Naughty dogs also get treats eventually.
The difference is that naughty dogs have considerably better stories.
“I really hope you’ll love the present you told me to get you.”
Nothing captures the magic of Christmas quite like somebody sending you the exact link, size and color of the gift they want and then acting surprised when they unwrap it.
At least shopping for the dog is easier.
The dog wants food.
Possibly a ball.
But mostly food.
“Wishing you an Instagram-perfect Christmas this year.”
A beautiful tree. Perfectly wrapped presents. Coordinated pajamas. Smiling children. A spotless living room. A perfectly posed dog.
Click.
And just outside the frame?
Wrapping paper everywhere, somebody arguing in the kitchen, three ornaments already broken and the dog preparing to leave halfway through the family photograph.
That’s Christmas.
Merry Christmas From Pet Friendly House
Christmas doesn’t have to be perfect to be memorable.
The lights can get tangled. Dinner can run late. The sweater can be ridiculous. The dog can knock something over five minutes before everyone arrives.
Years from now, those may be the parts you remember most.
So enjoy the food, laugh at the chaos, take too many pictures and spend a little extra time with the people and pets you love.
Merry Christmas from all of us at Pet Friendly House.
