Every January, we make promises to ourselves. Exercise more. Eat better. Spend less. Get organized. Be more patient.
But what if your dog got in on the tradition?
We’re pretty sure most dogs wouldn’t waste January promising to eat fewer treats or spend more time at the gym. Their resolutions would probably involve more snacks, fewer baths and finally dealing with that squirrel that’s been taunting them from the backyard.
So, in the spirit of self-improvement, here are a few New Year’s resolutions your dog might be considering.
I Will Stop Begging for Food
This year, I will stop staring at you while you eat. I will not rest my chin on your knee, drool on your pants or look as though I haven’t eaten since last Tuesday.
Unless you’re having chicken.
Chicken doesn’t count.
I Will Respect Your Personal Space
I understand that humans occasionally enjoy being alone.
Therefore, I promise not to follow you into every room of the house.
The bathroom remains under negotiation.
I Will Bark Only When Necessary
No more barking at leaves, delivery drivers, suspicious-looking garbage cans or neighbors who have committed the terrible crime of walking past our house.
From now on, I will bark only when there is a genuine emergency.
Such as a squirrel.
Or a mail carrier.
Or a leaf.
I Will Stop Stealing Your Spot
I recognize that you bought the couch.
I understand that you would occasionally like to sit on it.
This year, I promise to leave you enough room.
Approximately six inches should be sufficient.
I Will Learn That the Vacuum Cleaner Is Not My Enemy
I will remain calm when the vacuum cleaner appears.
I will not bark at it.
I will not chase it.
I will accept that it is merely a household appliance and poses no threat to our family.
However, I reserve the right to reconsider if it comes within three feet of my bed.
I Will Stop Stealing Socks
I have finally accepted that socks are not toys.
I will no longer steal them from the laundry basket, hide them underneath furniture or parade through the house carrying one while everyone chases me.
This resolution does not apply to particularly expensive socks.
Those remain extremely tempting.
I Will Stop Digging That Hole in the Backyard
The excavation project has gone on long enough.
I understand your concerns about the lawn and accept that reaching the center of the Earth may be unrealistic.
I will therefore stop digging immediately.
Unless I smell something interesting.
I Will Be More Selective About What I Eat
I have learned that not everything found on the ground needs to be eaten.
This year I will carefully consider each mysterious object before swallowing it.
I will sniff it first.
Progress.
I Will Stop Blaming the Cat
The cat is not responsible for everything that goes wrong around here.
Sometimes things simply happen.
Garbage cans fall over.
Food disappears from counters.
Cushions mysteriously explode.
I will try very hard not to look at the cat immediately afterward.
I Will Stop Taking Up the Entire Bed
I understand that a 60-pound dog should not require 85 percent of a king-size mattress.
This year, I will sleep in a reasonable amount of space and stop pushing you toward the edge.
Unless I need to stretch.
I Will Stop Pretending I Can’t Hear You
I know my name.
I know what “come” means.
I also know what “leave it” means.
The fact that I occasionally appear unable to hear any of these words while running toward something fascinating is purely coincidental.
I Will Be Nicer to the Delivery Driver
I accept that the delivery driver is probably not plotting an invasion.
In fact, this person regularly brings boxes containing my food, toys and treats.
I will try to remember this before announcing their arrival to the entire neighborhood.
I Will Cut Back on Treats
Health is important, and moderation is a valuable life skill.
Therefore, I have decided to limit myself to treats only after breakfast, before lunch, after lunch, during training, before dinner, after dinner and whenever I look particularly adorable.
It’s important to set realistic goals.
I Will Finally Catch That Squirrel
I’ve spent years studying its movements.
I know its routes.
I know its habits.
I know which tree it uses for escape.
This is the year.
No further comment.
I Will Appreciate My Human More
You feed me, walk me, scratch the places I can’t reach and somehow know exactly when I need you.
You let me onto the furniture even after insisting you wouldn’t. You share your home, your adventures and occasionally your food with me.
So perhaps my most important resolution is also the easiest one.
I’ll keep greeting you like you’ve been gone for three years every time you walk through the door.
Some things don’t need improving.
New Year’s Resolutions Your Dog Would Actually Appreciate
Your dog’s resolutions might be questionable, but the beginning of a new year can be a great excuse to think about a few things we can do differently. They don’t have to be dramatic changes, either. Small improvements to your dog’s everyday life can add up over the course of a year.
Explore Somewhere New Together
Walks don’t always have to follow the same route around the neighborhood. Try a new trail, visit a dog-friendly park or plan an adventure somewhere your dog can experience unfamiliar sights and smells.
Make Walks More Interesting
Sometimes it’s worth letting your dog stop and sniff instead of treating every walk like a race to get home. Exploring through scent provides mental stimulation as well as physical exercise.
Make More Time for Play
A few extra minutes with a favorite toy, a game in the backyard or an indoor activity on a rainy day can make an ordinary day much more interesting for your dog.
Work on One Annoying Habit
Rather than resolving to create the world’s best-behaved dog by February, pick one behavior you’d genuinely like to improve. Whether that’s jumping on visitors, pulling on the leash or another everyday frustration, one achievable goal is a good place to start.
Give Your Dog More to Do at Home
Dogs need things to occupy their minds as well as their bodies. Puzzle toys, scent games, training sessions and other forms of enrichment can help make time at home more engaging.
Make Your Home Work Better for Your Dog
Look at your home from your dog’s perspective. A more comfortable sleeping spot, easier access to the backyard, better toy storage or even a dedicated dog-friendly area can make life easier for everyone.
Spend More Time Together
This might be the simplest resolution of all.
Take the longer walk occasionally. Play the extra game. Let your dog come along when you can. Sit together for a while without worrying about everything else you need to get done.
Dogs don’t know that it’s a new year.
They just know when they’re having a good day with their favorite person.
And that’s one resolution worth keeping.
